Presentations

One of my jobs at the Enterprise is putting together presentations for Directors and VPs to help them understand the systems they are responsible for.

I build short presentations with the highest content. I figure that the VPs and Directors have limited time so I can't include all the details. I'm careful with my word choice and use lots of white space. The objective is to convey the essence of the computer systems and how they interact.

I was asked to put something together by a VP. I solicited feedback from a director, another software architect, and a systems programmer. I didn't want to miss any key elements.

So today I went before the VP with my "deck." (A "deck" is a stack of paper with words and diagrams. I don't know why they call it a deck. They just do.) The director and the other software architect were seated at the table across from me.

We got to page three and the VP began to type on his Blackberry so I stopped in mid-sentence. He finished and I continued. Soon again he was typing away on his Blackberry. I stopped. This continued throughout the meeting. This is why I can only cover 20 minutes of content in a one hour meeting.

We finally got back on track. While I was in the middle of explaining some nuance of the system he interrupted me with a quote from a movie. He asked me what movie the quote was from. I didn't know. He told me I ought to frequent the theaters more often if I expected to move to the next level. Seemed a strange comment for the context.

When I came to the part about including another business unit in our next design of the system, he went off on a tangent and used his middle finger to illustrate his point.

I paused, blinking back the shock. After that little outburst we returned to the deck. Next he began running his pen through some words in his copy. One of my sentences read: "The application is a pure HTML Internet facing solution."

He took issue with that. He complained that "Internet" and "HTML" were redundant. "Just say HTML." He also told me to remove the word "pure" since there was no such thing as "pure HTML."

I was shocked. I just couldn't believe my ears. I was looking down at the page and my vision began to blur. I looked up and imagined him wearing a Bozo wig and red nose. It was that weird. I swear I heard organ grinders and saw monkeys sitting around the table.

How could a VP in IT be so ignorant?

If you are ignorant, at least be silent.

I simply can't tolerate mediocrity.

There was no desire to understand the systems. I was simply entertainment.

...dave
Quote: Everything I've ever done was out of fear of being mediocre. -Chet Atkins

Performance Reviews

Ah, it's that time again. Performance Reviews. Don't ya just love 'em. I really look forward to mine. It's always great fun and very entertaining if a bit dicey.

And you know, if I were a kid just out of school, I know I'd take them more seriously. But I'm far too experienced to expect these things are intended to be helpful to me.

Mine started out with a bang. My Director said: "Let's start with the rearview mirror."

The rearview mirror? Did I miss something. Is this driving school? I thought I was getting a performance review.

But I said: "Rearview mirror?"

"That's what I like to call it since we are looking backward at what you've done."

Oh, I get it, rearview mirror. Cute. Sorry, you almost lost me there.

And so it went. All this Enterprise jargon. We talked about my 360 and my rearview mirror and my four-blocker.

Of course I've had eight bosses since joining the Enterprise just five years ago. That means each year one boss makes the recommendations for improvement but another boss gives the assessment of my progress. This year was no different. In fact, this year my new boss REVERSED what my previous boss said last year!

But of course the current boss is always required to say something good and then say what they want me to improve on. It's always a surprise. And that's my gripe. Why should it be a surprise? A really great boss would have been working with me all along.

This time I was told that I do great work, in fact, quick work, but it needs more quality. So I asked for an example. There was only one. In drawing a diagram for the VPs and Directors I missed a connecting line between two boxes representing computer systems.

And I had remembered that discussion so I asked: "You mean the time I drew the diagram but an hour later the strategy was changed in a meeting I wasn't in?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"But I wasn't invited. I didn't even know it was happening."

"So, It's your fault for not getting invited."

You must be kidding? You can't be serious. Is this your only example of "lack of quality"?

Am I on Candid Camera?

It could be worse. One of my associates told me her husband (who works for another big Enterprise) was told that he'd never reach the next level until he cleaned off his desk and wore better clothes. Seems the CEO told everyone that because the next day the whole company was wearing slacks.

So that got me to thinking. Could I type better if my desk was cleaner? Could I type faster if I wore better clothes? Maybe I ought to wear a suit? (I already wear slacks and sport shirt.)

Maybe a cleaner desk could help me produce diagrams with straighter lines.

If I dressed in a suit, maybe I'd get invited to more meetings.

...dave
Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius. -Fulton J. Sheen

102

A fever of 102 is just too much for the body. I'm convinced that an inside part of me melted and I'll never be the same. The heat is unbearable. The joints ache. The back burns. And I can never get comfortable. If you reach a fevor of 102 you're a goner fer sure.

And that's exactly what happened to me. No lie. I don't really know what my body was fighting but it was ugly and I bear the scars. No one goes through a fire burn of 102 and survives unscathed. I'm still coughing. It ain't normal.

As my body heated up the room started to spin. I grew delirious. Where was I? What was happening to me. I ran cold water across a rag and wore it on my eyes. Behind my eyes there were steel hot branding irons, burning unconsciousness into my brain. It was unbearable.

There are two stages of sickness. The first stage is the feeling that you are about to die. The second stage is the realization that you are not. This is the worst stage of all. There is nothing that you or anyone else can do. You just have to bear it. You have to let the white corpuscles fight it out with the virus and root for the home team.

Yeah and drink plenty of water. the only trouble with that is the frequent visits needed to the bathroom. Each step is a painful throb shooting from the foot to the brain. Oh how I wish to be well again. I'm willing to do anything. It's killing me slowly.

And then the fever would pass. I'd think I was on the mend. but it was only an oasis in the middle of a still barren desert. The sun had set temporarily and tomorrow I'd have to deal with the high temps again.

But it too passed and I'm back in the land of the living. I've been resurrected but I walk a zombie for a few days. Still not back to normal.

...dave
It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick. - Dave Barry

Digital Drawing Board

I need one of these:

M.I.T. Digital Drawing Board

...dave
“Forgiving the unrepentant is like drawing pictures on water” -Japanese Proverb

Walking

I've been doing a lot of walking lately. Well, actually I've been concentrating on doing more walking. I park further away from the entrance at work. I walk up and down the stairs for meetings. I park far from the store doors when I go on errands. All for the love of walking.

Actually I want to see big numbers on my pedometer. It's the scoreboard of my game. It's not really a pedometer I guess, it's more like a step-o-meter. I got one of these step counters from our Health Group here at work. (I guess they're trying to cut back on the heart attacks.) It doesn't tell me how many miles I've gone, just the number of steps I've taken. I guess these little things are simpler to manufacture. There is no calibration setting on the device, just a reset button. Calibration is needed for a pedometer since the length of each person's stride varies. With the step-o-matic all I have to do is measure my stride and multiply the steps at the end of the day to determine the miles walked. Step counters are simplest and work just fine.

Anyway, I've been averaging two miles a day. I'm now shooting for four. Here's the trouble with these things. They make a subtle clicking noise when I walk. I can't sneak up on anyone. I can't walk to the printer without folks knowing about it. And the color of the thing is white. I wear dark pants and black belt. It's noticeable.

There's all kinds of web sites on tracking your walking. Blank books, PDFs of walking logs, and even a Google map to track your distances.

The simple step counter just makes me cognsant of my progress. It's a great little motivator. I sometimes take my journal and sketch on the way.

...dave
Drawing is just a line taking a walk.

Work Gloves

WorkGloves
Originally uploaded by daveterry.

Another HDR (high dynamic range) photograph. This image is a merge of 7 images which adds more depth.

I've been working on the house AGAIN. Must finish the doors. This was shot while the doors were drying.

...dave
There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer. -Ansel Adams

Is he playing with a full deck?

Actually he used 1,500 decks for the World Record. Wow. This is the ultimate in card stacking. But, where does he get the time? Or the cards? Could this actually be a profession?

...dave
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

A Walk in the Park

ParkWalk
Originally uploaded by daveterry.

After work I met Ruth and we went walking in one of the parks nearby. It was a little cool but no bugs.

Lots of people jogging, biking, and walking. No one is very friendly. I'd nod or say hello but none responded. Ruth likes that. She like the anonymity. A simple "hi" though might have been nice.

I shot another image I thought might make a good HDR. You can see the results here. Actually I shot three images. My D70 has auto-bracketing. I've got it set for three images at 1.5 f-stops apart. I'll take the right exposure, then one and a half stops above and below that. When I got home I merged the images. This is the result.

We walked about two miles and got back to the car before dark. We felt safe, although someone reported a car break in. The police were there photographing and taking statements.

...dave
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Always on

I'm buying less and less software these days. The reason? Because I'm always online.

Having all my software and documents online means less maintenance woes, no loss of data, no updates, and no backups. Yeah.

Here's a quick list by function of what I use:

Office documents:
Google's Word-processing & Spreadsheets
Google's Base (database)
Meriam-Webster Dictionary

Images:
Flickr images
Make moving gifs (Here's an example.)

Productivity:
Projects (todo lists)
Graph paper
Lined paper
Time and Dates
Arrange a meeting with many people - (take a poll)

Off line:
When I'm offline, I use my analog system. Notebooks, journals, pens, and just plain index cards.

...dave
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

When you're feeling bad

Sometimes hearing about other people's woes can help you see that your life's not so bad.

I know a guy who fell at work and broke his hip. When they took him to the hospital he needed a heart stint AND a hip replacement.

I know a guy who had to get his leg amputated because a cleaning cart gouged his leg coming around a corner which resulted in a gangrenous leg. Tough part was they had to amputate it one section at a time. First at the ankle, then the shin, finally at the knee.

I know a guy who had to have his liver and kidneys replaced. He was a diabetic and they were failing him.

I know a guy who has tried to find a wife by writing a woman in a foreign country. He's tried seven times. One time she came out with her 17 year old son. Early the next morning there was a knock at the door. The police had apprehended the boy who had took his keys while he was sleeping. The guy's Corvette was smashed.

Here's the worst part, it's all the same guy. If he were a cat, I'd swear he has nine lives.

So when you think you have it bad, someone has it worse.

...dave
War would end if the dead could return. ~Stanley Baldwin

Studs with studs

I was grabbing a meal at Borders. They have a little coffee shop and small sandwich selection. I was staring at the prices when the guy behind the counter asked me If I had decided on what I wanted yet. I glanced up to respond but I wasn't prepared for the view.

He's got more metal on his face than I have on my car. Why do people do this?

What does he do when he goes through security at the airport? Remove his tongue stud and toss it into the plastic gray tray along with his spare change? I mean, how many ear rings does a guy need? And if he's going to wear them, why doesn't he have the same quantity on each side of his head? Is it a budget issue? Maybe he can only add to his collection of metal each week when he gets his paycheck.

And what's up with the tongue stud? That's got to hurt. Doesn't it get in the way when he eats? Does he have to floss it after each meal? These are things the inquiring mind wants to know. But I don't ask. I don't want to be rude. Thinking about it more deeply, I really don't want know. Yet, I wonder how many times a day less polite people inquire.

Whenever I'm thinking about ordering something different I always ask the cashier or wait help what they recommend. So I asked him: "How is the Italian sub?"

"Oh I have no idea. I'm a vegetarian."

And that got me to thinking. I wonder if having metal in your eyebrows, ears, nose, and tongue is somehow related to non-carnivores. I know many people who don't eat meat and they don't have metal growing out of their face. But maybe this is the way the body initially reacts to meatless diets. My theroy is that it empties the poisons by growing external metal extensions. Kind of like mushrooms growing from cow manure.

The relationship could be an interesting Federally funded University study.

...dave
He's the kind of guy who is always a couple dollars short of his share. - Paul Madonna