A case for laceless shoes

I don't know why anyone uses lace up shoes anymore. It makes no sense to me. I know laces are very popular, everyone is wearing them. But frankly I don't understand WHY people persist. There are better, superior ways to keep your shoes on.

I mean, why would anyone lace up when they can hook and loop, slip on, or zip up? None of my shoes have laces in them. From personal experience I can tell you my shoes never fall off. So then, really, what are laces for? Besides, shoes would be cheeper if you didn't have to pay for laces or even eyelets.

When I wore shoes with laces, they were always untying themselves. And I was always retying them. What a pain. It's a battle. Of course, I couldn't just stop anywhere to retie the laces. I had to find some surface to steady my shoe on, like for example, someone's coffee table.

I think laces are like a cats. You have to tend to them throughout your day. You can't just ignore them. They'll come back to haunt you. They'll untie themselves if for no other reason than to get your attention. If you leave them untied and ignore their whipping stings, eventually you'll trip over them. They only exist to remind you that you can't live without them. Just like cats.

Laces are time bombs. Sooner or later they'll detonate. As I walk through the day I can feel the clock ticking at my feet. I gradually feel them loosen and become increasingly disloyal. If I don't disarm the bomb, they'll explode in a tangle, trip me, and throw me to the floor in a helpless heap. Laces are assassins. They are dangerous. Why hasn't OSHA acted? They ought to step in and outlaw shoe laces altogether.

Personally, I don't own a pair of lace-up shoes. They are not part of my wardrobe. I don't believe in them.

The biggest pain of all comes when my laced-up friends arrive for dinner. I have a No-Shoes Policy in my home. So they stop and untie their shoes at the door. They usually can't stay as long as my slip-on friends because they spend much of their time untying and tying their shoes when they come and go. I usually try to invite them 15 minutes early so that they have their shoes off and are ready to eat by the time the rest of my slip-on friends arrive.

I'm polite and all. I hold the door open for them while they lean on the door frame and unlace. I wait patiently, making small talk. They teeter on one foot and then the other. They try to look me in the eye and untie at the same time, which is dicey. I've had to reach out and grab their arm and steady a few of them. We live on the second floor. I couldn't bear to see them tumble down the porch shoeless. I may need to change my policy to a Laceless No Shoe Policy. I don't want to be responsible for any lost souls cascading down the stairs of my home.

Laces should be outlawed. Lots of benefits could come from that: big insurance savings, less hospital stays, less slip, trip and falls. Even better, more time could be spent chatting with friends in their homes rather than standing at the door laced up. All of the advantages with none of the liabilities.

Lace up shoes are history.

Slip-ons are the future.

...dave
If I tell a funny joke in the forest but nobody laughs, is it still funny?

Bullies

I guess it’s true that some things never change. There are bullies in the sandbox and bullies on the streets. Age doesn’t matter. Some people just never grow up.

I met a bully just this week. He was large, I mean, huge, in fact, gigantic in stature. Am I to be a trophy on his wall or bragging rights to his friends? I wonder, is it a bully's huge size that creates a disposition of distain for all things small? Does a bully, bully all things small everywhere, all the time? I don't know.

I didn't want to stick around and find out. All I can remember is coming face to face with his grill. That menacing grin. He’s just egging me on. I ignored his aggression. I just let him through. I wasn’t about to be crushed by two tons of a metal and then squeezed into the crevice of his treads. Not me, no way. Even huge trucks can be bullies!

I saw another bully in the parking lot. He wasn't as big, but big enough. I went out to get in my little Ford Focus rental but he blocked my path. I thought about going back into the store to wait it out. I figured I could wait until he left the parking lot. Why press the issue? But I HAD to get back to work. I had to get to my car. I just pushed past him, opened my door quickly and jumped inside. I may have bumped him. It may have left a dent in his side. I hate to confess that I didn't care one way or other.

Another bully rode my back bumper for sometime before turning left in front of me while I was stopped at a red light. That bully nearly took my front bumper with him.

I guess bullies are a reflection of their owners. All the bullies I met this week were owned by women. They must have felt safe, ensconced as they were in their Hummer H3 and Eddie Bauer Explorer monster cars. Who could do anything to them? If I had rolled down my window, I may have been able to reach up and touch the side step treads of the H3.

I stay away from bullies.

...dave
Those who bully the weak are cowards before the strong.-- Chinese Proverb

Feet on the desk

It was the end of the day when a VP came down to check out the new area our team had moved into. Although I liked my window cube I had before the move. It was important that I "locate with the others." It shows "team spirit." So I moved. But I didn't get a window cube. I'm sitting so far toward the center of the building, I don't know what the weather is like until I leave for lunch.

Anyway, it was the end of a busy day. I put my feet up on the desk and was anxious to get caught up on some email I hadn't read because of all the meetings that day. I usually put the laptop (my current computer) on my lap. I settled in and got comfortable with a cup of Joe. It was then that the VP came through checking out the cubes.

"Ah you look comfortable." he said to me as he passed and tapped my shoes with some papers as he passed.

"It's been a long day." I explained.

I'm thinking of going beyond this. What if I clear out my cube of the Enterprise issued desk and put in a wood floor, leather couch and coffee table? It would feel so much more like home. I could even get one of those ventless fireplaces and put it in the corner of the cube. Crank up the jazz music for all to enjoy. Think of what a creative space that would make for us.

But somehow I don't think this current regime is into "creative space." Not even sure if they know what it means. I'm living in a top down, left brain, draconian dictatorship.

My boss likes to remind me that the Enterprise is not a democracy, "It's a dictatorship!" he tells me.

"Yes sir, sir, sir!" I repeat to show my Enterprise loyalty. But he just smiles.

Frankly, any American Corporation IS a democracy because people can still vote with their feet. Many do. Twenty-five percent have left IT in the first half of this year! That's a huge number. That's over half of the standard attrition rate for most Enterprises.

I wonder if I should vote with my feet too.

Let me put my feet up and think about it for a while.

...dave
Stephen Wright to Job Interviewer: "If you were going the speed of light and you turned on your headlights, would they do anything?"
Interviewer: "Well, I don't know."
"Forget it then. I don't want to work for you."

Multi-frame sketch

I saw someone do this in their sketchbook and so thought I'd give it a try.

This is a montage of what's on my desk. Kinda fun. It's fun because I don't have to feel as though I have to fill the whole page. I can just sketch a small snippet as I have a moment. This was done over a day and a half. I started it yesterday.

Check out the stapler in the top right. I actually have one with my name on it. It's a serious stapler. It'll go through 20 pages without a problem.

Try THAT with one of those wimpy desk staplers you get for $10! Ain't happening.

...dave
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. -Danny Kaye

Ford Focus

I'm driving a rental while my car is in the shop. Mind you, my car has a six CD changer, leather seats, sun roof, butt warmers and more. The the Ford has four rubber tires. I'm doing good to get that. It's a little short in the creature comfort department.

Actually it's a little worse than that. I simply can't get comfortable in the thing. It's horrible to drive. Actually, it's tortuous. I'm convinced the designers went to Japan, learned how to make a driver comfortable, returned home and designed a torture seat. I'm telling you, everything about the driver's seat is designed to irritate and torment the driver.

For example, the driver's back adjustment has two positions: nose in dash and horizontal. And the right arm rest is in my armpit. If I try to rest my elbow on it, my right shoulder jambs into my right jaw. It's absolutely horrible. If I get the seat distance adjusted correctly, I can't reach the steering wheel. I swear the seat was designed for an ape . . . or by an ape.

The worse part has got to be the dash controls. Each and every dial and knob is just out of reach of the driver. I have to lean forward to turn the knobs and adjust the dials. Worse, I have to look down to find them. They all feel the same so I can't use sensory perception to find a knob. It can be dicy to take my eyes off the road. So I just bear the cold. It's part of my 30 minute torture commute. At least the radio knob is handy. Listening to the radio helps keep my mind off the agony.

I just can't focus in a Focus.

...dave
When I'm not in my right mind my left mind gets kind of crowded. -Stephen Wright

Basketball Pass

The Enterprise owns box seats at a nearby stadium. Sometimes we get offered tickets to a sports event.

My manager asked me if I wanted a pair of tickets to an upcoming basketball game. You know, bring the wife to a sports event. Yeah, like that's on her priority list. Actually I'm not much into sports myself.

So I asked him: "Isn't basketball just a bunch of guys in shorts dancing across a wooden floor playing keep-away?"

He said I didn't have much sports awareness but my humor was excellent.

I really try to get into sports but frankly, I'd rather read a book about it than sit on the sideline. Anyway, I think sports ought to be part of the Performing Arts. Because really, football and ballet look so similar to me. It's just a bunch of guys in tights running back and forth across the screen. The only difference I can see is one group plays outside and the other group plays inside. Both groups will sometimes pick one another up and carry them a few feet durring the performance. The only other difference I can see is that the outside group is a little challenged in the costume department. They just wear numbers and change their colors once in a while. But that's nothing that a good Set Director couldn't fix.

Yeah, I think I'll pass on the basketball tickets.

...dave
Sports is like a war without the killing. =Ted Turner

Meetings

I'm forever in meetings these days. This one was a round table review of a project. Basically someone presents their project and all the architects get to ask all kinds of technical questions. It's kind of stressful for the presenter. (He's the guy facing you in the sketch.)

Lately I've been using 4x6 cards binder clipped together. I lost my very cool tabbed Moleskine. Rats!

...dave
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.